


Ratio

by saladfingers



Category: Smallville
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, F/M, M/M, Season/Series 01, Sex Talk, Some Humor, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 13:23:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20408452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saladfingers/pseuds/saladfingers
Summary: Chloe interviews Clark and Lex after hours





	Ratio

Chloe finally gets Clark and Lex to agree and sit for a little interview. It’s after hours at the Talon, but Lex has the keys. The three of them sit at a circle booth, and Chloe turns on a recorder. Grabbing a clipboard of questions, she turns to the boys.

Chloe: Alright, now, pretend we've never met. What's your name?

Clark: Clark

Lex: Lex

Chloe: Ugh. Your _full names_, please.

Clark: Clark Jerome Kent

Lex: Alexander Joseph Luthor

Chloe: Side question for Alexander. [pauses when he gives her a look at the name] Why didn’t you ever just go by “A.J.”?

Lex: Lex sounds professional. A.J. sounds like a dancer or a deejay.

Chloe: Uh-huh. Ages, please.

Clark: Fifteen.

Lex: Twenty-one.

Chloe: When’s the last time you were on a boat?

Clark: A boat? This is Kansas. I don’t think I’ve _ever_ been on a boat.

Lex: I have a gondola.

Clark: What are you doing with a gondola?

Lex: Nineteenth birthday present. Christened it and wrecked it.

Chloe: Moving on. What’s your birthstone?

Clark: Pearl.

Lex: I thought your birthday was in June.

Clark: It is.

Lex: Then it’s alexandrite.

Chloe: And yours?

Lex: Sapphire.

Chloe: I would’ve guessed diamond. Next up, have you ever skipped school?

Clark: I couldn’t do that.

Lex: Great. So, I suppose you’re going to lecture me?

Clark: No. [awkward pause] But, uh, how many times _have_ you skipped school?

Lex: [shrugs] Countless times in grade school. Some in boarding; less in college.

Chloe: You went to college?

Lex: You’re surprised?

Chloe: Surprised you ever studied.

Clark: He’s helped with my math homework, actually.

Chloe: Okay, and back to the interview. How many people have you had sex with?

Clark: [face is beet red] Chloe!

Lex: Sixty-three.

Chloe and Clark's jaws drop; then Chloe grins.

Chloe: Wanna give me a ratio on that?

Lex: Twenty-four women.

Clark: And thirty-nine guys!?

Lex: [dark look] Have a problem with that?

Chloe and Clark blink and look away from Lex's wrath. Clark comes to first.

Clark: No, sorry. Just I didn't know you liked guys.

Lex: I like sex. Sex is sex whether if it's with a guy or a girl.

Chloe: [blinks] You've had sex sixty-three times, and

Lex: I've had sex more than sixty-three times. I've just had sixty-three partners.

Chloe: Okay... You've been with sixty-three people, and there's no one you'd want to, like, settle down with?

Lex: No, there is someone I love, but I haven't had sex with him.

Clark: Is it your PA? He's kinda cute.

Chloe stares at him amusedly.

Clark: What? He is.

Lex: Damien is hot, but we've already fucked around.

Chloe: Is his dick big? I bet it’s enormous.

Clark and Lex throw her an amused look. Lex then shakes his head.

Lex: It’s big but smaller than mine.

Clark chokes on air, and Chloe flat-out flushes. She turns back to the clipboard.

Chloe: Last question. When did you lose your virginity?

Lex: Fourteenth birthday.

Clark chokes on the admission.

Chloe: Was it with a guy or a girl?

Lex: Both.

Chloe: Like transgender?

Lex: No, like a threesome.


End file.
